We are our emotions

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Unfortunately one of the basic life assumptions for many of us is: “whatever emotion you express may be used against you”.

It is common to discuss about what we do and about the weather, but very rarely you hear a description with precise words by people who tell how they feel. It looks like during our growth we learn that expressing emotions is dangerous or maybe useless; so many of us get used only to express anger when we feel under threat, with a negative impact on our well-being.

But emotions are part of us! The focus on our inner self, and so the understanding of our emotions, constitutes part of the foundation of the Centered Life Model, and of the seven steps to becoming confident, successful and happy.

Life can be tough sometimes, so the general perception is that, if you express your emotions during a conflict (at work, in the family, with friends), this shows a weakness or can be a “strategic mistake”, indeed the usual assumption is that “the people interacting with you may use this information to win the conflict”.

Unfortunately this is true in some way. There are people who have the capability of understanding another person’s feelings and they use this power to achieve what they want; but, is this a good reason for us to spoil completely our lives, neglecting our emotions? To make a simple example, we know that criminals exist, but if we decided not to go out from home anymore for this reason, our home would become a prison for us. Similarly, in many cases, we are becoming a prison for our emotions, as we do not express them anymore. If you go out from your home today, so you may also decide to express what you feel!

If you have a conflict with someone who is completely blind to emotions, nothing changes if you express them or not, as your emotions will not be understood anyway, so you can express them. If you express verbally your emotions, the people in front of you will have the chance to take them into account so to understand better how the situation impacts you: you will give a strong meaning to what you do and you will create more options to solve problems in case of conflicts; moreover, everyone interacting with you will be stimulated to express their emotions as well.

If you have expressed your emotions and this has been used against you, you have won anyway, because you have not allowed someone to transform you into the “prison of your emotions”: making you feel frustrated, limiting your self-expression and spoiling your personal life.

Expressing emotions does not mean to be controlled by them. To scream and shout because of anger is completely different than stating calmly that you are angry or disappointed for some reasons. To say that you are sad, and describe the reason behind that, is completely different than letting depression overwhelm you. Expressing verbally our emotions is the first step to take control of them, and not vice-versa.

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Many thanks in advance for your comments!

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About

Steps to becoming confident, successful and happy

Brilliant well-being: the life-transforming book

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Copyright © – Dimitri Gianesini – All rights reserved

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4 thoughts on “We are our emotions

  1. Karina Hollender says:

    “Each of us has an inner dream that we can unfold if we will just have the courage to admit what it is. And the faith to trust our own admission. The admitting is often very difficult. What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do.When we do what we´re meant 2 do, money comes 2 us, doors open for us, we feel useful & the work we do feels like play to us.” – by Julia Cameron
    Think it fits perfectly in here 🙂

    • dgianesini says:

      Hi Karina,

      many thanks for your comment.

      Meditation is part of the foundation of the Centered Life Model exactly because the positive attitudes you mention can be learned and developed with this “training for the mind”.

      Often the challenges of life are so strong that only a trained mind can keep this positive thinking and the related set of emotions (love, optimism, serenity), without being overwhelmed by emotions of anger or greed.

      The development of the positive attitudes you mention (forgive your past, forgive people, believe in the best of people) are part of this mind training; this will be covered by future posts and it is widely covered in my book.

      Dimitri

  2. Tina Smith says:

    That was awesome! A depth I needed. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Dear Dimitris, I was very happy to read this so perfectly written part of the foundation of the Centered Life Model, as I found my self in it. I’m a woman who uses to express her emotions in every circumstance of my daily life and I have to comment that this has really many results for the others or me. Which means: There were times that this had a profit for me, as expressing my complaints I had a salary increase. Others that I had a loss, as expressing my extreme admiration and joy, they were jealous of me and didn’t sell me the land I wanted to buy. Other times it gave me real friends, as by expressing my real inner-self, they appreciated what I am and connected with me, with a sincere friendship. By expressing also continually my love to my children, they grew up learning to love at first themselves, but and the others too, which I consider to be a great profit for my family. And so many times indeed, by expressing my joy and my dreams and my enthusiasm, I stimulated the others to follow me in my aspects. In general I would comment that the conclusion for me is that by expressing my emotions and not neglecting them, not only I don’t spoil my life, but instead of it, I have a profit, as most times I solve my problems and in the few times I don’t, I think positively and I try to find the reasons and positive conclusions. So I can close saying that expressing my emotions makes me feel always winner in every aspect, as well as confident, integrated, happy, and with positive thoughts for everything I have to confront. So my friends yessss, express your emotions and never prison them, if you want to see the joyful side of life !!!
    Charoula Georgakopoulou
    Master degree in Preschool Education

    Twitter: @CharoulaGeorgak
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/charoula.georgakopoulou1

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